Saturday, May 29, 2010

Determining Criteria Couples, Need?

This time Annie really stressed. Asih friend just made an unexpected maneuver. A few moments ago. Asih has come to their parents to promote a man, "Anyway, this guy was nice aunt. I'm sure he's fit for Annie, so I know deh their properties. "Her mother fell for this provocation. Promote mother had been the man to him.

Ani'm not happy for this good friend of business. Age is now 25 years old, he was already very eager to get married. But he did not want to build a special relationship with man. "Islam forbids us going out." So he said, when the mother kept asking why nobody ever visited his home to meet mom. So when Asih came to him offering him, he was very grateful. The problem is too urgent and wants Asih Ani was immediately accepted his offer. "You do not believe aja kayak with me." He was completely cornered.

He does not seem to be given the opportunity to choose and crave male ideal.

Ani was not alone facing this problem. This is a common problem for someone who has entered young adulthood (20-30 years), during this time people have been able to begin life with selecting and determining its position amid the public. He has been able to assess the ideas that have been generated by the world in general, filed a planning career, taking roles in family and community, selecting friends and married life. These last two things were becoming a problem for Annie.

Then how should we choose a partner? Do we need to establish criteria for our ideal mate? Before discussing this issue further, it is better we understand what marriage really is.

Marriage is a relationship between two people, male and female, who is known by the public, governed by a specific rule either by religion, country, and customs in society. In addition there are some elements in the marriage that need attention. These elements have been disclosed by Stinnett in Lifespan Development (1984). He said that in marriage contained the following elements:

a. Commitment
Everyone wants to feel a selfless attention to himself. Marriage is an expression of their dedication to someone. The ceremony itself is a symbol of this devotion.

b. One to one relationship.
Everyone wanted to be close with others based on emotional closeness, such as confidence, love, respect, and intimate. One task the development of young adulthood is to learn intimate with others.

c. Working together (companionship) and sharing (sharing)
Marriage is a way to dispel her loneliness and sense of teriolasi. With the marriage, we learn to work together, and sharing / sharing. Sharing, the most important in the relationship. When couples can share with each other and their needs are met, they will be more to reach satisfaction.

d. Love
Someone wanted to feel love and be loved. Life will seem hollow if we do not have a partner we love and love us.

e. Happiness (happiness)
People think that by getting married he would be happy. But you must remember that happiness does not come from marriage but it depends on how individuals interact with their partner.

f. The legitimacy of sex and child
Marriage is a social endorsement of sexual behavior and had children.

Ideal criteria, it necessary?

Ani. like every other person would have ideal criteria is to choose her life partner. He certainly wants the nature / characteristics / conditions that he was no desire on the prospective partner. These criteria are believed to be born out of principle and of the interaction with the environment.

In addition to the criteria of an ideal version of himself, in choosing candidates for the spouse, usually a person will also face the ideal criteria posed by the parents / family or by a circle.

But in some cases the spouse selection of candidates based on criteria that only an ideal, it is often difficult step in getting the person's spouse. Fixing the ideal criteria that are too high, feeling needed a miracle, or at least a large fortune to get it. This will be very potential for the emergence of difficulties in obtaining prospective spouses.

Do not even think about going to get that perfect figure, because each person brings strengths and weaknesses of each. We should just expect a perfect companion impeccable, provided we can prove that we are the perfect figure without blemish. We must be willing and able to accept charitable chest deficiencies of our lives because of potential mates at the same time we also have a potential partner enlarges the chest to receive all our faults.

Although it remains an ideal preparation of the criteria we wanted. There are two main criteria, namely:

1. Best Little Potential Conflict Incidence
If a woman wants to be a career woman is free to build his career outside the home, will certainly find a husband who supports such keinginnannya. Getting a husband who supports such keinginnya.

Get husbands who stay at home requires that certainly would be a potential conflict in the household. The above example illustrates how a person looking for potential mates with certain criteria in order to minimize the potential for conflict. All people have a tendency to look for the couple who was about not "hamper" himself.

This is the Shah-Shah, only to remember, not to be trapped in a narrow selfishness and stiff. When we set the criteria for potential mates who are not "mengahambat" actually think we're selfish, that we have desires / nature like this and the potential partner must be willing to follow our desires / our properties are. So everything was in place a proportionate and realistic, especially if we desire it does not involve a matter of principle, such as the desire to practice in peace and others.

2. Greatest potential to reach households that coveted
If someone says that the prospective partner should be someone who has a good understanding of religion, could be implicitly saying that he returned to teaching religion is that he wants to apply the principles of sailing ship in the household, so that the spouse who has a good understanding of their religion are expected to help achieve these desires.

So worth it Ani feel stressed. He certainly did not want to arbitrarily choose a spouse. What we need to remind him to do well too grandiose, in determining the criteria for prospective husbands.

Inna Mutmainnah, S. Psi.
Source: Magazine Safina No. 1/Th.I


source: eramuslim.com