Saturday, May 29, 2010

Choose Courtship or Ta'aruf ... ..?

Today's very easy to see the same people again courtship. In the streets, malls, campuses, everywhere. Especially now there's a TV show that nyomblang-in person up to pengeksposean declaration of love all.

Actually, what's it going out? Usually if there's a boy and girl love each other, one nyatain and others have received, it means already dating. For some people seeing it the way it together, eating, watching, vent-curhatan. Anyway was just for fun! There are also those who aim to get to know before the wedding.

As Muslims we need to lho scrutinize whether the "practice dating" a lot of people do this or not in accordance with the rules of Islam.

First, if another person wants both courtship continues. Ah the Bener, yes what yes. Several days phoned already troubled baseball, baseball all day in sms've missed. See you soon want to look at her face, well the world just seemed like a flowered. Especially if we are using both mojok event, where the lonely-intimate romance. Oops, watch out deh, because the Prophet SAW said, "No bersepi loneliness of a man and woman, but satan is the third person among them."

Second, if again courtship in love feels like. Forget the rest. The world seemed to belong to both of the others ngontrak. Be careful also here, later we can not forget the same purpose God created us (humans). Word, "And do not I put myself in the jinn and mankind except to worship Me." (Sura 51:56)

Third, it's no secret that in this era of sexual permissiveness versatile seasonings already be in dating (4 to 10 March issue of O Magazine, 2002). Cosmopolitan magazine also conducted research in the five largest universities in Jakarta, and the fact of who claimed to have sexual activity, as many as 67.1% the first time you make with his girlfriend.

A lot of people going out there initially lead to baseball. But because often both, there is opportunity, and diem-diem ngerubung satan already, well done. First hold hands, keep arms and shoulders, hold kiss on the cheek, and hold ... .. continue to be too far ... .. wah deh. Make no mistake You know, we are protecting our religion by prohibiting conduct that deeds. Word, "And come not near adultery; true that adultery is a nasty job and a bad way." (Qur'an 15:32) It turns out Al Quran already taking action by banning preventive approach, rather than banning it. Prophet also said, "If you are pierced with steel needles, then it is better for you than the touching of women who are not lawful." So hold the handle of the hand-tuh also should be avoided.

Fourth, apparently seeing no guarantee will continue to pursue marriage. Many people around us who have for years been dating apparently stranded on the road. Dating did not make us know all about the him. Many of his attitude changed after marriage.

Even if now we know the practice of courtship did not become a guarantee and even more against the rules of Allah and do not get ridhoNya, do we who claim to His servants, who desire paradise, who fear hell, still do it? But if instead of dating, how to meet a mate? Nowadays it's easy to believe we can not get the same people, so there needs assessments. Islam has a stable solution and OK in choosing a mate. Ngetop term Ta'aruf name, means of introduction.

First, ta'aruf it is actually only for assessment before marriage. So if one or both do not feel comfortable could finish ta'arufnya. This is better than people who go out and break it. Usually people who have linked his heart going out so that if no match is difficult and painful end. But ta'aruf, that Insha Allah the Exalted Lillahi his intention to marry, if not suitable trust, alone, might not match. No party is harmed or harm.

Second, it is more fair ta'aruf. Of courtship filled with an exchange of information about each of both goodness and ugliness. Even when we sleep often snoring, for example, we should be notified to candidates in order not menimbukan disappointment at a later date. Similarly with other deficiencies, such as certain diseases, baseball can cook, or anything else. Information not only from the candidates directly, but also from people who knew her (friend, teacher of the Koran, the prospective parents). So the candidates can not get amit-amit himself well. This is different from seeing people who are usually superficial and full of pretense. That women will be dressed-out and shy (to eat even a little scared because practically greedy). The men remain destitute even longer pretend this rich treat it (though get borrowed money from friends or the results to the parent ngerengek tuh).

Third, with ta'aruf we can try to know the candidates and gather information as much as possible in the shortest possible time. This could happen because both parties were ready to get married and ready to open up both the advantages and disadvantages. It's a huge time savings. Compare this to people who have long courtship pacarannya often still feel not get to know each other. Is not in vain?

Fourth, through ta'aruf we may propose criteria for candidates that we want. If there are things that match Alhamdulillah but if there could be considerable less comfortable with wearing your heart and mind healthy. The final decision was still based on a dialogue with God through prayer istikharah. Unlike the person who is drunk in love and courtship. Sometimes bad things at her boyfriend, for example, abusive boyfriend, likes to get drunk, but still can receive but not like his little heart. But because of love (or lust actually) was forced to accept it.

Fifth, if there is a match, usually a period of ta'aruf to khitbah (application) and to the marriage contract is not too long. This could prevent us from various kinds of fornication, including adultery liver. In addition there is no feeling of "hanging" on the part of women. Because everything is clearly the aim is to fulfill the sunna of the Prophet is married.

Sixth, in a civilized ta'aruf kept in touch between men and women. Usually there is a third party to introduce. So the possibility of a retreat (two-pair) small means we avoid adultery.

Well apparently ta'aruf many advantages than going out and Insha Allah blessed God. So, friends ... ... .. we want to find happiness in the afterlife and reach ridhoNya or find trouble, try and get breaking wrath?

oetari@alexandria.cc


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